43 Funny Mother-in-Law Jokes (Clean)
Clean mother-in-law jokes: the visits, the advice and the thermostat. Affectionate, mostly.
She means well. She also rearranged your kitchen. These mother-in-law jokes are affectionate ribbing, so you can laugh at them, share them and still be welcome at Thanksgiving.
Mother-in-law advice and opinion jokes (17)
She’s “not saying anything,” and she’s said it fourteen times since lunch.
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My mother-in-law and I finally agree on something.
We both think my wife could’ve done better.
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My mother-in-law promised she’d stay out of it.
She said it from the middle of it.
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My mother-in-law is a world-class backseat driver.
Yesterday she criticized my lane change. I was making a sandwich.
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When I got promoted to vice president, my wife cried tears of joy.
Her mother asked to see the paperwork.
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My mother-in-law gave me a book for Christmas: How to Be a Better Husband.
It came pre-highlighted.
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My buddy asked if I’d ever consider having two wives.
Two mothers-in-law? I’m brave, not insane.
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My mother-in-law’s favorite phrase is “I’m not saying anything.”
She’s said it fourteen times since lunch.
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My mother-in-law never gives unsolicited advice.
She just asks, “Oh, is that how you’re doing it?”
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My mother-in-law finally joined Facebook.
Now she can disapprove of me in front of 300 people.
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My mother-in-law signs every text “Love, Mom.”
Even the one that said my lawn looked “tired.”
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My mother-in-law keeps a list of my good qualities.
It’s on a sticky note. She uses the back for groceries.
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Every Christmas, my mother-in-law gives me a sweater two sizes too big. “You’ll grow into it,” she says.
Unfortunately, she’s been right every time.
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I finally saw what my mother-in-law saved me as in her phone.
“Him.” No photo. No last name.
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Every Christmas, my mother-in-law asks me to stand on the end for the family photo.
Easier to crop.
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My mother-in-law’s Christmas letter has a whole paragraph for every family member.
Mine is two words: “Also, Kevin.”
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We installed a smart thermostat to end the fights with my mother-in-law.
Within a week, it was taking her side.
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My mother-in-law cried through our entire wedding ceremony.
The photographer said it was the most honest wedding he’d ever shot.
Mother-in-law visit jokes (14)
She’s staying until Tuesday. She just never said which Tuesday.
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We moved two states away from my mother-in-law and bought a house with no guest room.
She bought an RV.
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My mother-in-law has started calling our guest room “my room.”
Last week she asked us to knock.
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My mother-in-law always calls before she comes over.
From our driveway.
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My mother-in-law says she’s staying with us “until Tuesday.”
She never said which Tuesday.
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My mother-in-law has been staying with us for a while now.
The neighbors think we’re the houseguests.
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We put a lock on the thermostat before my mother-in-law arrived.
She showed up with a space heater and a smile.
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My mother-in-law asked for our Wi-Fi password so she wouldn’t bother us.
Now she video-calls us from the guest room.
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My mother-in-law reorganized our whole kitchen during her visit in May.
It’s October. We still can’t find the colander.
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I told my mother-in-law, “Make yourself at home.”
She’s repainting the living room.
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My mother-in-law left a review of our guest room on the nightstand.
Three stars. “Pillows adequate. Staff seemed tired.”
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My wife and I split the holidays evenly between our two families. My mother-in-law keeps score.
She’s up 17 to 4. She counts Groundhog Day.
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My mother-in-law asked us not to go to any trouble for her visit.
Then she emailed a list. It had tabs.
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Before my mother-in-law visits, my wife cleans the whole house top to bottom.
Then her mother arrives and cleans it again. While making eye contact.
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My mother-in-law always brings a thoughtful hostess gift.
This time it was a level. For the pictures I hung.
Mother-in-law cooking and kitchen jokes (12)
Her own pan, her own knives and a backup turkey, just in case.
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My mother-in-law brought her own frying pan, her own knives and her own salt.
Next visit, I assume, her own son-in-law.
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My mother-in-law watched me load the dishwasher in total silence.
Then she reloaded it in total silence.
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My mother-in-law has never once criticized my cooking.
She just quietly asks if we have any crackers.
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I made my mother-in-law’s famous pot roast using her exact recipe. It wasn’t even close.
Turns out she leaves one ingredient out. On purpose.
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My mother-in-law asked what she could bring to dinner. I said, “Just yourself.”
She brought herself and a better version of my side dish.
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We take turns hosting the holidays: one year at her house, the next at ours.
At ours, she brings a backup turkey. Just in case.
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My mother-in-law insists she’s not a picky eater.
She only sends food back at our house.
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My mother-in-law says she’d never tell me how to grill.
She just stands beside me holding a fire extinguisher.
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My mother-in-law relabeled our pantry while we were at work.
One shelf now says “Things He Thinks Are Food.”
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My mother-in-law complimented my lasagna last night.
My wife and I were up till 2 a.m. wondering what she wants.
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There’s a casserole dish in our cabinet with my mother-in-law’s name taped on the bottom.
It’s been here since 2014. I’m pretty sure it reports back.
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My mother-in-law moved our coffee maker to “a better spot.”
It’s at her house now.