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35 Funny Mom Jokes for Adults

Mom jokes for moms: the mom purse, the mom voice and the coffee that’s been reheated four times.

Moms run the household, the group chat and the lost-and-found, usually before 8 a.m. These mom jokes are written for moms, about moms, so send them to the one who taught you to say “because I said so.”

Exhausted mom jokes (23)

For the mom who hides in the bathroom and still gets a snack request.

  1. Someone asked when I last ate a hot meal sitting down.

    In the hospital, right after giving birth. They brought a tray. I wept.

  2. I put the milk in the pantry and the cereal in the fridge again.

    I keep blaming mom brain. My youngest is 26.

  3. The class parents’ group chat has 143 new messages.

    One is the answer. The other 142 say “Thank you!!”

  4. I drive so many carpools that my GPS stopped giving me directions.

    Now it just sighs and says, “You know the way, hon.”

  5. I made eye contact with someone at one PTA meeting.

    Now I’m running the fall festival.

  6. My husband says he looked everywhere for the mustard.

    To him, “everywhere” means one shelf, at eye level, for four seconds.

  7. I spent $280 at the grocery store this morning.

    By noon, someone stared into the open fridge and announced there’s nothing to eat.

  8. I’m the family’s chef, chauffeur, nurse, referee and personal assistant.

    My benefits package is one macaroni necklace.

  9. TSA pulled my purse aside for a closer look.

    They found a granola bar, three crayons and the TV remote we lost in March.

  10. My husband and I finally had a real date night.

    We fell asleep in the restaurant parking lot. Best date in years.

  11. I locked myself in the bathroom for five minutes of peace and quiet.

    Somebody slid a snack request under the door.

  12. I meant to text my husband, “Pick up wine on the way home. Lots of it.”

    Sent it to the PTA group chat instead. Best turnout we’ve ever had.

  13. My husband asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day. I said, “Two hours alone in a quiet house.”

    So he bought me a candle that smells like one.

  14. I hide my good chocolate in an empty bag of frozen broccoli.

    Nobody in this house has touched broccoli since 2015.

  15. I finally vacuumed out the minivan.

    Found enough Goldfish crackers under the seats to restart the species.

  16. I saw the bottom of the laundry hamper this morning.

    Like a total eclipse. The next one isn’t until 2041.

  17. The car wash guy slid open the side door of my minivan and took one look inside.

    Then he quietly went to get his manager.

  18. My family yells questions at me from three rooms away, like I’m a smart speaker.

    At least Alexa’s allowed to say, “I don’t know.”

  19. My family made me breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day.

    It was lovely. The kitchen should reopen by Father’s Day.

  20. Every Friday, I sit down with my family to watch a movie.

    I’ve seen the first ten minutes of every movie made since 2009.

  21. My minivan has eight cupholders.

    Currently holding a hair tie, a granola bar, a baby tooth and zero cups.

  22. In my house, the kitchen closes at 8 p.m. sharp.

    Except for me, standing at the counter, eating shredded cheese out of the bag.

  23. My husband never empties his pockets before I do the laundry.

    I stopped reminding him years ago. That’s not laundry. That’s my retirement plan.

Mom voice and parenting jokes (12)

Counting to three, the full-name warning and texts that end with a period.

  1. My son asked if we could get a dog. I told him, “Ask your father.”

    Ten minutes later, my husband asked me if we could get a dog.

  2. I’ve been counting to three since 2014.

    Nobody knows what happens at three. Including me.

  3. My teenager only really talks to me in the car, when I’m driving and can’t look at him.

    So now I take the long way. Sometimes through two states.

  4. I used my mom voice in the cereal aisle at Kroger.

    Two strangers’ kids froze, and a grown man put his cart back.

  5. My adult son called me just to chat.

    I asked who died.

  6. I used my son’s first, middle and last name exactly once.

    The dog went and hid under the bed.

  7. My daughter says my texts sound angry because I end every one with a period.

    Noted.

  8. My kids finally figured out what I mean when I say, “We’ll see.”

    It means no, with a waiting period.

  9. The receptionist at our dentist’s office thinks I’m the sweetest woman alive.

    She’s never heard me find a wet towel on the bed.

  10. I swore I’d never say “Because I said so” to my kids. Then I said it.

    Somewhere in Ohio, my mother felt a disturbance and smiled.

  11. Someone in the team parents’ group chat asked who could bring snacks Saturday.

    Forty parents went silent at once, like deer hearing a twig snap.

  12. Sunday night, I found out about a science project due Monday.

    I’ve now passed fourth grade three times. Still can’t get above a B.

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