I used my son’s first, middle and last name exactly once.
The dog went and hid under the bed.
2,040 jokes · 32 topics · new daily
Funny jokes worth telling.
Clean, short jokes that are actually funny: dad jokes, one-liners, work jokes and holiday jokes, sorted into lists so you find the right one fast.
Today’s jokes
I retired so I could spend more time with my wife.
Neither of us thought that through.
My brother and I always fight over the wishbone. This year I finally won.
I wished for a different brother.
Why do dentists ask you questions with both hands in your mouth?
It’s the only argument they’re guaranteed to win.
The self-checkout screen asked if I’d like to add a 20% tip.
Sure. I’ll tip myself. I did all the work.
Our CEO says employees are the company’s greatest asset.
Which explains why they keep trying to liquidate us.
Experts say teachers make about 1,500 decisions a day.
So no, honey, I will not be picking the restaurant tonight.
My dog is convinced he’s a lap dog.
He’s 90 pounds. I haven’t felt my legs since March.
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Thanksgiving jokes
In season now. Holiday lists move up here about six weeks before the big day.
Thanksgiving · Thu, Nov 26
51 Thanksgiving Jokes
Clean Thanksgiving jokes: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
For workAll joke lists
32 topics, best jokes first. Every joke is a quick setup and a punchline.
Holidays and birthdays
Everyday jokes
Life and family
Work and jobs
Food, pets and hobbies
Joke videos
A new short joke video every day. See all videos
My cat ignores me for 23 hours a day.Cat · 11s
My brother started a band called Duvet.Puns · 7s
I renamed my Wi-Fi network “Hack This If You Can.”One-Liners · 10s
My doctor told me to drink eight glasses a day. Then he looked at my chart again.Doctor · 11s
I asked my phone, “Why am I still single?”One-Liners · 8s
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Meme of the day
Too real?
A new JokeBay meme every day, straight from our joke lists. Today’s is from Dad Jokes.
More dad jokesJust added
A few new jokes go up every day.
Thanksgiving JokesNew today
Every year, Mom swears Thanksgiving dinner will be on the table at 2 p.m. sharp.
We show up at four now. We bring snacks.
Clean JokesNew today
I asked the ATM to show me my balance.
It said, “Are you sure? This action cannot be undone.”
Funny Christmas PunsNew today
Why are reindeer so good at investing?
They always know when to buck the trend.
Got a joke worth telling?
Send it in. If it gets a real laugh here, it goes on the list.