I ordered Chinese takeout for one.
They packed four sets of chopsticks. Even the restaurant doesn’t believe me.
2,001 jokes · 32 topics · new daily
Funny jokes worth telling.
Clean, short jokes that are actually funny: dad jokes, one-liners, work jokes and holiday jokes, sorted into lists so you find the right one fast.
Today’s jokes
My wife says I love fishing more than I love her.
That hurt. We’ve been married twenty-two seasons.
My neighbor put up his Halloween decorations on Labor Day.
By October 31st, the cobwebs were real.
My doctor told me to cut back to one drink a day.
Good news: I’m now three months ahead.
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other.
“Do you have any idea how to drive this thing?”
My dog chewed up my entire tax return.
He’s the first one in this house to get anything out of it.
Teacher tired is a whole different kind of tired.
Last Tuesday, I fell asleep at 7:30. In my car. In my driveway.
My wife ran into Target to grab one thing.
Twenty minutes later, the bank called about suspicious activity.
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Halloween and Thanksgiving jokes
In season now. Holiday lists move up here about six weeks before the big day.
Halloween · Sat, Oct 31
58 Halloween Jokes
Short, clean Halloween jokes: costumes, candy, haunted houses and the office party.
Thanksgiving · Thu, Nov 26
40 Thanksgiving Jokes
Clean Thanksgiving jokes: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
For workAll joke lists
32 topics, best jokes first. Every joke is a quick setup and a punchline.
Holidays and birthdays
Everyday jokes
Life and family
Work and jobs
Food, pets and hobbies
Joke videos
A new short joke video every day. See all videos
My credit card company called to flag suspicious activity on my account.One-Liners · 10s
My wife says I have absolutely no sense of direction.Dad Jokes · 9s
I asked my phone, “Why am I still single?”One-Liners · 8s
My dog greets me at the door like I’ve been away at sea for three years.Dog · 9s
My husband and I went to the Halloween party as salt and pepper.Halloween · 11s
Popular joke lists
Hand-picked jokes for work, church, husbands, wives and more.
31 Funny Knock-Knock Jokes for KidsSilly, clean knock-knock jokes for parents to tell the kids: animals, food and holidays.
51 Clean Jokes for WorkOffice-safe jokes for meetings, the team chat and the break room.
51 Funny Wife JokesAffectionate wife jokes for husbands who know who’s really in charge.
33 Funny Food PunsClean food puns about cooking, cheese, fruit, veggies and coffee.
34 Clean Jokes for ChurchWholesome, clean jokes to read at church, Bible study or the potluck.
51 Funny Husband JokesHusband jokes for wives who have heard “I know where it is” one too many times.
21 Funny Christmas PunsClean Christmas puns for cards and captions: Santa, reindeer, snowmen and elves.
31 Funny Knock-Knock Jokes for AdultsClean knock-knock jokes for adults about work, bills, getting older and home repairs.
23 Funny Halloween PunsClean Halloween puns for captions and parties: ghosts, skeletons, vampires and witches.
40 Funny Boss JokesJokes about bosses, managers and the meetings they schedule.
35 Funny Animal PunsClean animal puns about pets, farm animals, wild animals and bugs.
45 Dad Jokes for WorkOffice-safe dad jokes for meetings, Slack and the break room.
51 Funny Pet JokesThe best dog and cat jokes in one place, for pet lovers.
23 Funny Work PunsOffice-safe work puns and job puns about careers, trades and quitting.
51 Funny Jokes for SeniorsClean, relatable jokes for seniors about aging, retirement, doctors and technology.
36 Christmas Jokes for WorkOffice-safe Christmas jokes for the party, the card and the team chat.
50 Jokes for Work MeetingsQuick icebreakers to open a meeting, a Zoom call or the team chat.
41 Retirement Jokes for CoworkersJokes for a coworker’s retirement card, party or farewell email.
41 Retirement Speech JokesJokes and lines that work read out loud in a retirement speech or toast.
33 Birthday Jokes for CoworkersFunny birthday jokes for a coworker’s card or the office cake.
41 Over-the-Hill Birthday JokesJokes for milestone birthdays: 40, 50, 60 and beyond.
30 Thanksgiving Jokes for WorkOffice-safe Thanksgiving jokes for the potluck, the team chat and the meeting.
48 Sarcastic Jokes for WorkDry, sarcastic jokes that are still safe to share at work.
Comic of the day
Harold & June: Say something nice
June: Say something nice to me.
Harold: You look great for your age.
June: Try that again without the last three words.
Just added
A few new jokes go up every day.
Halloween JokesNew today
Every day, the jack-o’-lantern on our porch looks a little more sunken and tired.
It’s like watching a time-lapse of my forties.
Doctor JokesNew today
I called my doctor’s office. The recording said, “If this is an emergency, hang up and dial 911.”
“Otherwise, please stay on the line and grow old with us.”
Funny Halloween PunsNew today
What does a ghost pin on his tux for a wedding?
A boo-tonniere.
Got a joke worth telling?
Send it in. If it gets a real laugh here, it goes on the list.