The bass Uncle Lou lost in 1987 was maybe three pounds.
Thirty-nine Thanksgivings later, it’s bigger than his boat.
2,055 jokes · 32 topics · new daily
Funny jokes worth telling.
Clean, short jokes that are actually funny: dad jokes, one-liners, work jokes and holiday jokes, sorted into lists so you find the right one fast.
Today’s jokes
These days, when I bend down to tie my shoes,
I look around for anything else I can do while I’m down there.
This year we made everyone put their phones in a basket during Thanksgiving dinner.
Grandma’s buzzed the most.
My cat sleeps sixteen hours a day.
She spends the other eight making sure I don’t.
I finally turned 40, and now I understand my dad.
I, too, have very strong feelings about the thermostat.
I parallel parked perfectly on the first try today.
I wasn’t even stopping there. I just wanted witnesses.
My wife said, “Nothing would make me happier this birthday than a diamond necklace.”
So I got her nothing.
My fitness tracker says I walked 12,000 steps today.
Eleven thousand of them were looking for my phone.
1 / 8
Thanksgiving and Christmas jokes
In season now. Holiday lists move up here about six weeks before the big day.
Thanksgiving · Thu, Nov 26
51 Thanksgiving Jokes
Clean Thanksgiving jokes: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
For workChristmas · Fri, Dec 25
47 Christmas Jokes
Clean Christmas jokes: Santa, the lights, the gifts and the in-laws. Card and party ready.
For workAll joke lists
32 topics, best jokes first. Every joke is a quick setup and a punchline.
Holidays and birthdays
Everyday jokes
Life and family
Work and jobs
Food, pets and hobbies
Joke videos
A new short joke video every day. See all videos
My boss said, “You’ve been late three times this week. Do you know what that means?”Work · 9s
My mother-in-law and I finally agree on something.Mother-in-Law · 9s
My husband and I went to the Halloween party as salt and pepper.Halloween · 11s
My dog greets me at the door like I’ve been away at sea for three years.Dog · 9s
Our HOA sent me a letter demanding I take down my creepy Halloween decorations.Halloween · 10s
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Comic of the day
Harold & June: What the doctor said
June: What did the doctor say?
Harold: I’m in great shape for a man of ninety.
June: You’re sixty-eight.
Just added
A few new jokes go up every day.
Christmas JokesNew today
Santa’s been overweight for two hundred years, and nobody says a word.
My doctor mentions my weight before he says hello.
Doctor JokesNew today
My blood pressure medication comes in a childproof bottle.
After forty minutes trying to open it, I really need one.
Funny Knock-Knock Jokes for KidsNew today
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Weasel. Weasel who?
Weasel be late for school if you don’t hurry up!
Got a joke worth telling?
Send it in. If it gets a real laugh here, it goes on the list.