My car’s check-engine light has been on for three years.
At this point it’s not a warning. It’s a night-light.
2,061 jokes · 32 topics · new daily
Funny jokes worth telling.
Clean, short jokes that are actually funny: dad jokes, one-liners, work jokes and holiday jokes, sorted into lists so you find the right one fast.
Today’s jokes
My dog loves riding with his head out the car window.
He’s the only one in the family who enjoys my driving.
Dad carves the turkey every year with the confidence of a surgeon.
A surgeon who watched one video that morning.
Every night I have to decide what to make for dinner.
I did this yesterday. Who designed this system?
I own 40 coffee mugs, but I use the same one every day.
The other 39 are “for guests.” We don’t have guests.
We don’t have a TV at the lake cabin.
We just sit by the boat ramp on Saturday mornings.
I finally tried a kale smoothie.
Now I know what the bag on a lawn mower tastes like.
I spent $180 on an orthopedic memory-foam bed for my cat.
She loves the box it came in.
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Thanksgiving and Christmas jokes
In season now. Holiday lists move up here about six weeks before the big day.
Thanksgiving · Thu, Nov 26
51 Thanksgiving Jokes
Clean Thanksgiving jokes: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
For workChristmas · Fri, Dec 25
49 Christmas Jokes
Clean Christmas jokes: Santa, the lights, the gifts and the in-laws. Card and party ready.
For workAll joke lists
32 topics, best jokes first. Every joke is a quick setup and a punchline.
Holidays and birthdays
Everyday jokes
Life and family
Work and jobs
Food, pets and hobbies
Joke videos
A new short joke video every day. See all videos
I was going to tell you a great joke about time travel.Dad Jokes · 8s
My dog greets me at the door like I’ve been away at sea for three years.Dog · 9s
My doctor told me to drink eight glasses a day. Then he looked at my chart again.Doctor · 11s
I asked my phone, “Why am I still single?”One-Liners · 8s
My mother-in-law sends every Thanksgiving guest home with leftovers.Thanksgiving · 11s
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Comic of the day
Waffles & Mo: Best day ever
Waffles: MO! The humans are home! Best day EVER!
Mo: They went to get the mail.
Waffles: BEST DAY EVER!
Just added
A few new jokes go up every day.
Christmas JokesNew today
The guy at the tree lot promised our Christmas tree would fit in the living room.
It does. We just don’t anymore.
Nurse JokesNew today
I asked my manager if I could skip working the full moon this month.
She said no. She’d already requested it off.
Retirement Speech JokesNew today
He’s been here so long, his employee ID number is 7.
Numbers 1 through 6 were the founders and the copy machine.
Got a joke worth telling?
Send it in. If it gets a real laugh here, it goes on the list.