My lawyer explained his contingency fee: “If we lose, I get nothing.”
“If we win, you get nothing.”
2,004 jokes · 32 topics · new daily
Funny jokes worth telling.
Clean, short jokes that are actually funny: dad jokes, one-liners, work jokes and holiday jokes, sorted into lists so you find the right one fast.
Today’s jokes
At my retirement party they swore they’d never forget me.
Two days later, security wouldn’t let me in.
Every couples costume takes a little compromise.
So she’s Wonder Woman, and I’m the guy holding her purse.
My doctor asked how many cups of coffee I drink a day.
I said, “Cups?” and held up the pot.
I put the milk in the pantry and the cereal in the fridge again.
I keep blaming mom brain. My youngest is 26.
My neighbor came pounding on my door at two in the morning.
Luckily, I was still up practicing my drums.
I just finished writing a book on reverse psychology.
Whatever you do, don’t buy it.
You can always spot the nurse at a nice restaurant.
She finishes her entire meal in four minutes, standing up.
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Halloween and Thanksgiving jokes
In season now. Holiday lists move up here about six weeks before the big day.
Halloween · Sat, Oct 31
59 Halloween Jokes
Short, clean Halloween jokes: costumes, candy, haunted houses and the office party.
Thanksgiving · Thu, Nov 26
40 Thanksgiving Jokes
Clean Thanksgiving jokes: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
For workAll joke lists
32 topics, best jokes first. Every joke is a quick setup and a punchline.
Holidays and birthdays
Everyday jokes
Life and family
Work and jobs
Food, pets and hobbies
Joke videos
A new short joke video every day. See all videos
What do you call Santa’s helpers?Puns · 7s
Skunked again, Dale asked the guy at the fish counter to toss him four trout so he could honestly say he caught them.Fishing · 14s
My brother started a band called Duvet.Puns · 7s
My husband and I went to the Halloween party as salt and pepper.Halloween · 11s
My credit card company called to flag suspicious activity on my account.One-Liners · 10s
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Meme of the day
Too real?
A new JokeBay meme every day, straight from our joke lists. Today’s is from Marriage Jokes.
More marriage jokesJust added
A few new jokes go up every day.
Halloween JokesNew today
The sign at the corn maze said, “Average time: 45 minutes.”
Three hours in, the farmer came by to collect rent.
Dog JokesNew today
For twenty years, my husband begged me to turn the thermostat down.
The dog panted once. It’s 68 in here now.
Funny Knock-Knock Jokes for AdultsNew today
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bud. Bud who?
Bud-get meeting. Bring your own chair. We sold the others.
Got a joke worth telling?
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