At the eye doctor, she pointed at the chart and said, “Read me the bottom line.”
“Total due: $340.”
1,989 jokes · 32 topics · new daily
Funny jokes worth telling.
Clean, short jokes that are actually funny: dad jokes, one-liners, work jokes and holiday jokes, sorted into lists so you find the right one fast.
Today’s jokes
I asked my golf instructor what I should do to improve my game.
“Take two weeks off. Then quit.”
I’ve refilled our Halloween candy bowl six times this week.
It’s October 22nd.
I’m not saying I order too much online.
But my delivery driver just invited me to his wedding.
My brother-in-law made the biggest catch of our whole trip.
My hat. Right off my head. On his very first cast.
I renamed my Wi-Fi network “Hack This If You Can.”
The next morning it was called “Challenge Accepted.”
We moved two states away from my mother-in-law and bought a house with no guest room.
She bought an RV.
I retired and started helping my wife around the house every day.
She went back to work.
1 / 8
Halloween and Thanksgiving jokes
In season now. Holiday lists move up here about six weeks before the big day.
Halloween · Sat, Oct 31
54 Halloween Jokes
Short, clean Halloween jokes: costumes, candy, haunted houses and the office party.
Thanksgiving · Thu, Nov 26
40 Thanksgiving Jokes
Clean Thanksgiving jokes: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
For workAll joke lists
32 topics, best jokes first. Every joke is a quick setup and a punchline.
Holidays and birthdays
Everyday jokes
Life and family
Work and jobs
Food, pets and hobbies
Joke videos
A new short joke video every day. See all videos
Skunked again, Dale asked the guy at the fish counter to toss him four trout so he could honestly say he caught them.Fishing · 14s
I asked my phone, “Why am I still single?”One-Liners · 8s
My doctor told me to drink eight glasses a day. Then he looked at my chart again.Doctor · 11s
Every Halloween I swear I’ll only eat a few pieces of the candy.Halloween · 11s
My wife says I have absolutely no sense of direction.Dad Jokes · 9s
Popular joke lists
Hand-picked jokes for work, church, husbands, wives and more.
31 Funny Knock-Knock Jokes for KidsSilly, clean knock-knock jokes for parents to tell the kids: animals, food and holidays.
51 Clean Jokes for WorkOffice-safe jokes for meetings, the team chat and the break room.
51 Funny Wife JokesAffectionate wife jokes for husbands who know who’s really in charge.
33 Funny Food PunsClean food puns about cooking, cheese, fruit, veggies and coffee.
34 Clean Jokes for ChurchWholesome, clean jokes to read at church, Bible study or the potluck.
51 Funny Husband JokesHusband jokes for wives who have heard “I know where it is” one too many times.
21 Funny Christmas PunsClean Christmas puns for cards and captions: Santa, reindeer, snowmen and elves.
31 Funny Knock-Knock Jokes for AdultsClean knock-knock jokes for adults about work, bills, getting older and home repairs.
23 Funny Halloween PunsClean Halloween puns for captions and parties: ghosts, skeletons, vampires and witches.
40 Funny Boss JokesJokes about bosses, managers and the meetings they schedule.
35 Funny Animal PunsClean animal puns about pets, farm animals, wild animals and bugs.
45 Dad Jokes for WorkOffice-safe dad jokes for meetings, Slack and the break room.
51 Funny Pet JokesThe best dog and cat jokes in one place, for pet lovers.
23 Funny Work PunsOffice-safe work puns and job puns about careers, trades and quitting.
51 Funny Jokes for SeniorsClean, relatable jokes for seniors about aging, retirement, doctors and technology.
36 Christmas Jokes for WorkOffice-safe Christmas jokes for the party, the card and the team chat.
50 Jokes for Work MeetingsQuick icebreakers to open a meeting, a Zoom call or the team chat.
41 Retirement Jokes for CoworkersJokes for a coworker’s retirement card, party or farewell email.
41 Retirement Speech JokesJokes and lines that work read out loud in a retirement speech or toast.
33 Birthday Jokes for CoworkersFunny birthday jokes for a coworker’s card or the office cake.
41 Over-the-Hill Birthday JokesJokes for milestone birthdays: 40, 50, 60 and beyond.
30 Thanksgiving Jokes for WorkOffice-safe Thanksgiving jokes for the potluck, the team chat and the meeting.
48 Sarcastic Jokes for WorkDry, sarcastic jokes that are still safe to share at work.
Comic of the day
Harold & June: The car keys
Harold: Have you seen my car keys anywhere?
June: They’re in your hand, Harold.
Harold: Well, now I need my glasses.
Just added
A few new jokes go up every day.
Halloween JokesNew today
I won “Best Zombie Makeup” at the Halloween party this year.
I wasn’t wearing any. We have a newborn.
Sarcastic JokesNew today
I rode twelve floors in an elevator with my boss.
We ran out of weather by the third floor.
Halloween JokesAdded Oct 19
Our street gets 300 trick-or-treaters, and we always run out of candy by 7:30.
By nine, I’m handing out soup cans, batteries and our good lamp.
Got a joke worth telling?
Send it in. If it gets a real laugh here, it goes on the list.