My name is Brian. The barista wrote “Brain” on my cup.
First time anyone’s accused me of having one before 8 a.m.
2,019 jokes · 32 topics · new daily
Funny jokes worth telling.
Clean, short jokes that are actually funny: dad jokes, one-liners, work jokes and holiday jokes, sorted into lists so you find the right one fast.
Today’s jokes
Interviewer: “Describe yourself in three words.”
Me: “Lazy.”
I won “Best Zombie Makeup” at the Halloween party this year.
I wasn’t wearing any. We have a newborn.
My buddy came back from the course and said, “I shot a 79 today!”
“Tomorrow I’m going to play the back nine.”
At our house, we say grace before every meal.
When I cook, we say it again afterward.
My goal this year was to lose 15 pounds.
Only 20 more to go.
Four years of training, and my dog still can’t learn “stay.”
But he spots the turn to the vet from three miles away.
Doctor asked if I’ve been taking my pills as directed.
The bottle said “Keep tightly closed,” so no.
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Halloween and Thanksgiving jokes
In season now. Holiday lists move up here about six weeks before the big day.
Halloween · Tomorrow
60 Halloween Jokes
Short, clean Halloween jokes: costumes, candy, haunted houses and the office party.
Thanksgiving · Thu, Nov 26
44 Thanksgiving Jokes
Clean Thanksgiving jokes: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
For workAll joke lists
32 topics, best jokes first. Every joke is a quick setup and a punchline.
Holidays and birthdays
Everyday jokes
Life and family
Work and jobs
Food, pets and hobbies
Joke videos
A new short joke video every day. See all videos
I renamed my Wi-Fi network “Hack This If You Can.”One-Liners · 10s
The waiter promised the wings were “only a little spicy.”Food · 9s
Our HOA sent me a letter demanding I take down my creepy Halloween decorations.Halloween · 10s
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other.Dad Jokes · 9s
My dog greets me at the door like I’ve been away at sea for three years.Dog · 9s
Popular joke lists
Hand-picked jokes for work, church, husbands, wives and more.
31 Funny Knock-Knock Jokes for KidsSilly, clean knock-knock jokes for parents to tell the kids: animals, food and holidays.
51 Clean Jokes for WorkOffice-safe jokes for meetings, the team chat and the break room.
51 Funny Wife JokesAffectionate wife jokes for husbands who know who’s really in charge.
33 Funny Food PunsClean food puns about cooking, cheese, fruit, veggies and coffee.
34 Clean Jokes for ChurchWholesome, clean jokes to read at church, Bible study or the potluck.
51 Funny Husband JokesHusband jokes for wives who have heard “I know where it is” one too many times.
21 Funny Christmas PunsClean Christmas puns for cards and captions: Santa, reindeer, snowmen and elves.
31 Funny Knock-Knock Jokes for AdultsClean knock-knock jokes for adults about work, bills, getting older and home repairs.
23 Funny Halloween PunsClean Halloween puns for captions and parties: ghosts, skeletons, vampires and witches.
40 Funny Boss JokesJokes about bosses, managers and the meetings they schedule.
35 Funny Animal PunsClean animal puns about pets, farm animals, wild animals and bugs.
45 Dad Jokes for WorkOffice-safe dad jokes for meetings, Slack and the break room.
51 Funny Pet JokesThe best dog and cat jokes in one place, for pet lovers.
23 Funny Work PunsOffice-safe work puns and job puns about careers, trades and quitting.
51 Funny Jokes for SeniorsClean, relatable jokes for seniors about aging, retirement, doctors and technology.
36 Christmas Jokes for WorkOffice-safe Christmas jokes for the party, the card and the team chat.
50 Jokes for Work MeetingsQuick icebreakers to open a meeting, a Zoom call or the team chat.
41 Retirement Jokes for CoworkersJokes for a coworker’s retirement card, party or farewell email.
41 Retirement Speech JokesJokes and lines that work read out loud in a retirement speech or toast.
33 Birthday Jokes for CoworkersFunny birthday jokes for a coworker’s card or the office cake.
41 Over-the-Hill Birthday JokesJokes for milestone birthdays: 40, 50, 60 and beyond.
30 Thanksgiving Jokes for WorkOffice-safe Thanksgiving jokes for the potluck, the team chat and the meeting.
48 Sarcastic Jokes for WorkDry, sarcastic jokes that are still safe to share at work.
Comic of the day
Harold & June: Busier than ever
June: So, how’s retirement treating you?
Harold: I’m busier than ever.
June: Two naps a day isn’t a schedule, Harold.
Just added
A few new jokes go up every day.
Thanksgiving JokesNew today
This year I ran our town’s Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning.
A guy in a full turkey costume beat me. He was walking.
Golf JokesNew today
My wife always suspected I wasn’t really golfing every Saturday. So she came along to see.
Now she believes me. She just feels sorry for me.
Sarcastic Jokes for WorkNew today
The company VPN works perfectly.
Every time I’m not using it.
Got a joke worth telling?
Send it in. If it gets a real laugh here, it goes on the list.