The nurse asked my weight. I gave her the number on my driver’s license.
She said, “Sir, that license is from 1998.”
1,998 jokes · 32 topics · new daily
Funny jokes worth telling.
Clean, short jokes that are actually funny: dad jokes, one-liners, work jokes and holiday jokes, sorted into lists so you find the right one fast.
Today’s jokes
I bought a $19 bottle of scent that fish “just can’t resist.”
The fish resisted. The neighbor’s dog did not.
After trick-or-treating, I charge my kids a 30% candy tax.
And anything with peanut butter gets audited.
I ordered a small soda at the movie theater.
It came with a lifeguard.
The copier in our teachers’ workroom has been broken since September.
At this point, it has tenure.
I cracked open my fortune cookie after dinner.
It said, “Ignore previous cookie.”
I’ve been counting to three since 2014.
Nobody knows what happens at three. Including me.
My wife said she’d be ready to leave for dinner in five minutes.
I’ve since grown a beard.
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Halloween and Thanksgiving jokes
In season now. Holiday lists move up here about six weeks before the big day.
Halloween · Sat, Oct 31
57 Halloween Jokes
Short, clean Halloween jokes: costumes, candy, haunted houses and the office party.
Thanksgiving · Thu, Nov 26
40 Thanksgiving Jokes
Clean Thanksgiving jokes: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
For workAll joke lists
32 topics, best jokes first. Every joke is a quick setup and a punchline.
Holidays and birthdays
Everyday jokes
Life and family
Work and jobs
Food, pets and hobbies
Joke videos
A new short joke video every day. See all videos
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other.Dad Jokes · 9s
My husband and I went to the Halloween party as salt and pepper.Halloween · 11s
Skunked again, Dale asked the guy at the fish counter to toss him four trout so he could honestly say he caught them.Fishing · 14s
I asked my phone, “Why am I still single?”One-Liners · 8s
Every Halloween I swear I’ll only eat a few pieces of the candy.Halloween · 11s
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51 Clean Jokes for WorkOffice-safe jokes for meetings, the team chat and the break room.
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41 Retirement Speech JokesJokes and lines that work read out loud in a retirement speech or toast.
33 Birthday Jokes for CoworkersFunny birthday jokes for a coworker’s card or the office cake.
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Meme of the day
Tag someone who does this.
A new JokeBay meme every day, straight from our joke lists. Today’s is from Retirement Jokes.
More retirement jokesJust added
A few new jokes go up every day.
Halloween JokesNew today
Our office Halloween potluck had a contest for the scariest dish.
Brenda brought her regular tuna casserole and won.
Dad JokesNew today
My wife hollered from the kitchen, “Have you seen the dog bowl anywhere?”
I said, “No. I didn’t even know he could.”
Funny Food PunsNew today
Why did the brunch place fire its head chef?
He kept poaching the waitstaff.
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