Since retiring, I golf every day, and my score hasn’t improved at all.
But my lying has gotten fantastic.
2,025 jokes · 32 topics · new daily
Funny jokes worth telling.
Clean, short jokes that are actually funny: dad jokes, one-liners, work jokes and holiday jokes, sorted into lists so you find the right one fast.
Today’s jokes
Our principal brought homemade cookies to the staff meeting.
That’s how we knew the news was going to be bad.
I’m forty-two and still sitting at the kids’ table.
At this point it’s not a seating chart. It’s a verdict.
I was going to tell you a great joke about time travel.
But you didn’t like it.
My wife asked why I bake her fresh bread every Sunday.
Honestly, it’s the yeast I can do.
I asked my golf pro how I could knock ten strokes off my score.
He handed me an eraser.
When we got married, my wife promised she’d cook anything I caught.
Twenty years later, we order a lot of pizza.
I hid my cat’s pill inside a piece of chicken.
She ate the chicken and left the pill on my pillow. Neatly.
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Thanksgiving jokes
In season now. Holiday lists move up here about six weeks before the big day.
Thanksgiving · Thu, Nov 26
46 Thanksgiving Jokes
Clean Thanksgiving jokes: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
For workAll joke lists
32 topics, best jokes first. Every joke is a quick setup and a punchline.
Holidays and birthdays
Everyday jokes
Life and family
Work and jobs
Food, pets and hobbies
Joke videos
A new short joke video every day. See all videos
I’m forty-two and still sitting at the kids’ table.Thanksgiving · 10s
I just finished writing a book on reverse psychology.Dad Jokes · 9s
Skunked again, Dale asked the guy at the fish counter to toss him four trout so he could honestly say he caught them.Fishing · 14s
I asked my phone, “Why am I still single?”One-Liners · 8s
I renamed my Wi-Fi network “Hack This If You Can.”One-Liners · 10s
Popular joke lists
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31 Funny Knock-Knock Jokes for AdultsClean knock-knock jokes for adults about work, bills, getting older and home repairs.
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45 Dad Jokes for WorkOffice-safe dad jokes for meetings, Slack and the break room.
51 Funny Pet JokesThe best dog and cat jokes in one place, for pet lovers.
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51 Funny Jokes for SeniorsClean, relatable jokes for seniors about aging, retirement, doctors and technology.
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41 Retirement Jokes for CoworkersJokes for a coworker’s retirement card, party or farewell email.
41 Retirement Speech JokesJokes and lines that work read out loud in a retirement speech or toast.
33 Birthday Jokes for CoworkersFunny birthday jokes for a coworker’s card or the office cake.
41 Over-the-Hill Birthday JokesJokes for milestone birthdays: 40, 50, 60 and beyond.
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Comic of the day
Harold & June: Your mother called
June: Your mother called this morning.
Harold: What did she want?
June: To ask why I’m still putting up with you.
Just added
A few new jokes go up every day.
Thanksgiving JokesNew today
Our family plays touch football in the backyard every Thanksgiving morning.
Average age: fifty-three. Pulled hamstrings: four. Points scored: zero.
Cat JokesNew today
I told my cat the vase on the top shelf belonged to my late grandmother.
So she knocked it off slowly. Out of respect.
Funny Work PunsNew today
I lost my job at the cannon factory.
Well, technically, they fired me.
Got a joke worth telling?
Send it in. If it gets a real laugh here, it goes on the list.