People love to tell me they’re “brutally honest.”
Weird how they’re always more excited about the brutal part.
2,031 jokes · 32 topics · new daily
Funny jokes worth telling.
Clean, short jokes that are actually funny: dad jokes, one-liners, work jokes and holiday jokes, sorted into lists so you find the right one fast.
Today’s jokes
What did Mrs. Claus say when storm clouds rolled over the North Pole?
“Looks like rain, dear.”
My mom will forgive you for skipping Thanksgiving.
She will never forgive you for keeping her Tupperware.
On my first day, my boss said, “We’re like a family here.”
Great. So when do I start getting an allowance?
The course hired a diver to clean out the pond on 7. He pulled up 4,000 balls.
Six hundred had my name on them.
My lawyer bills in six-minute increments. When he called, I asked how his weekend was.
That answer cost me $48.
A patient kindly asked if I’d gotten to take a break today.
Only my spirit.
My wife asked, “If you had to choose, me or coffee?”
Apparently “Can I think about it?” was the wrong answer.
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Thanksgiving jokes
In season now. Holiday lists move up here about six weeks before the big day.
Thanksgiving · Thu, Nov 26
48 Thanksgiving Jokes
Clean Thanksgiving jokes: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
For workAll joke lists
32 topics, best jokes first. Every joke is a quick setup and a punchline.
Holidays and birthdays
Everyday jokes
Life and family
Work and jobs
Food, pets and hobbies
Joke videos
A new short joke video every day. See all videos
I went shopping for camouflage pants today.Puns · 8s
I just finished writing a book on reverse psychology.Dad Jokes · 9s
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other.Dad Jokes · 9s
My dog greets me at the door like I’ve been away at sea for three years.Dog · 9s
My doctor told me to drink eight glasses a day. Then he looked at my chart again.Doctor · 11s
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Comic of the day
Harold & June: The one that got away
Harold: I caught a fish this big today!
June: Where is it, then?
Harold: It was catch and release. Mostly release.
Just added
A few new jokes go up every day.
Thanksgiving JokesNew today
Mom uses the good china exactly once a year, on Thanksgiving.
In a fire, she’d save the gravy boat first. Then think about us.
Food JokesNew today
My wife and I started the same diet on the same day.
At midnight we met at the fridge. Nodded like two burglars on the same job.
Birthday Jokes for CoworkersNew today
Office rule: if you sign the birthday card, you get cake.
That’s how Dennis from the third floor has signed 214 cards for people he’s never met.
Got a joke worth telling?
Send it in. If it gets a real laugh here, it goes on the list.