I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows on way too high.
She looked surprised.
2,037 jokes · 32 topics · new daily
Funny jokes worth telling.
Clean, short jokes that are actually funny: dad jokes, one-liners, work jokes and holiday jokes, sorted into lists so you find the right one fast.
Today’s jokes
I’ve been training my cat for three years.
So far she’s taught me to sit, stay, and open cans on command.
My mother-in-law tasted my Thanksgiving gravy and said, “Interesting.”
She said that about my wedding toast too.
My dog turns up his nose at $60 grain-free salmon kibble.
Then eats a napkin he found in a parking lot.
My adult son called me just to chat.
I asked who died.
My performance review says I “meet expectations.”
Which is impressive, considering how low they were.
I don’t bother setting a kitchen timer when I cook.
The smoke alarm lets everyone know when dinner’s ready.
I asked my lawyer for a simple yes or no.
His text had footnotes.
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Thanksgiving jokes
In season now. Holiday lists move up here about six weeks before the big day.
Thanksgiving · Thu, Nov 26
50 Thanksgiving Jokes
Clean Thanksgiving jokes: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
For workAll joke lists
32 topics, best jokes first. Every joke is a quick setup and a punchline.
Holidays and birthdays
Everyday jokes
Life and family
Work and jobs
Food, pets and hobbies
Joke videos
A new short joke video every day. See all videos
Some jerk broke into my house and stole my thesaurus.Dad Jokes · 11s
My husband and I went to the Halloween party as salt and pepper.Halloween · 11s
My brother started a band called Duvet.Puns · 7s
My dog greets me at the door like I’ve been away at sea for three years.Dog · 9s
I renamed my Wi-Fi network “Hack This If You Can.”One-Liners · 10s
Popular joke lists
Hand-picked jokes for work, church, husbands, wives and more.
31 Funny Knock-Knock Jokes for KidsSilly, clean knock-knock jokes for parents to tell the kids: animals, food and holidays.
51 Clean Jokes for WorkOffice-safe jokes for meetings, the team chat and the break room.
51 Funny Wife JokesAffectionate wife jokes for husbands who know who’s really in charge.
33 Funny Food PunsClean food puns about cooking, cheese, fruit, veggies and coffee.
34 Clean Jokes for ChurchWholesome, clean jokes to read at church, Bible study or the potluck.
51 Funny Husband JokesHusband jokes for wives who have heard “I know where it is” one too many times.
21 Funny Christmas PunsClean Christmas puns for cards and captions: Santa, reindeer, snowmen and elves.
31 Funny Knock-Knock Jokes for AdultsClean knock-knock jokes for adults about work, bills, getting older and home repairs.
23 Funny Halloween PunsClean Halloween puns for captions and parties: ghosts, skeletons, vampires and witches.
40 Funny Boss JokesJokes about bosses, managers and the meetings they schedule.
35 Funny Animal PunsClean animal puns about pets, farm animals, wild animals and bugs.
45 Dad Jokes for WorkOffice-safe dad jokes for meetings, Slack and the break room.
51 Funny Pet JokesThe best dog and cat jokes in one place, for pet lovers.
23 Funny Work PunsOffice-safe work puns and job puns about careers, trades and quitting.
51 Funny Jokes for SeniorsClean, relatable jokes for seniors about aging, retirement, doctors and technology.
36 Christmas Jokes for WorkOffice-safe Christmas jokes for the party, the card and the team chat.
50 Jokes for Work MeetingsQuick icebreakers to open a meeting, a Zoom call or the team chat.
41 Retirement Jokes for CoworkersJokes for a coworker’s retirement card, party or farewell email.
41 Retirement Speech JokesJokes and lines that work read out loud in a retirement speech or toast.
33 Birthday Jokes for CoworkersFunny birthday jokes for a coworker’s card or the office cake.
41 Over-the-Hill Birthday JokesJokes for milestone birthdays: 40, 50, 60 and beyond.
30 Thanksgiving Jokes for WorkOffice-safe Thanksgiving jokes for the potluck, the team chat and the meeting.
48 Sarcastic Jokes for WorkDry, sarcastic jokes that are still safe to share at work.
Comic of the day
Harold & June: The fifth cup of coffee
June: That’s your fifth cup of coffee today.
Harold: I need it to stay awake.
June: For what? Your nap?
Just added
A few new jokes go up every day.
Thanksgiving JokesNew today
My wife asked why I watch three football games on Thanksgiving when I don’t like any of the teams.
Nobody hands a man a potato peeler during the fourth quarter.
Teacher JokesNew today
I just finished grading 130 essays on Moby-Dick.
Somewhere around number 90, I started rooting for the whale.
Thanksgiving JokesAdded Nov 4
Uncle Jim has never brought a single dish to Thanksgiving.
But he always brings eight empty containers.
Got a joke worth telling?
Send it in. If it gets a real laugh here, it goes on the list.