WebMD said I had days to live. My doctor said it’s a sinus infection.
I’m getting a tiebreaker from a guy on Reddit.
1,992 jokes · 32 topics · new daily
Funny jokes worth telling.
Clean, short jokes that are actually funny: dad jokes, one-liners, work jokes and holiday jokes, sorted into lists so you find the right one fast.
Today’s jokes
My phone’s face recognition doesn’t recognize me before 9 a.m.
Honestly? Neither do I.
We handed out full-size candy bars on Halloween one time.
Now we get Christmas cards from kids we’ve never met.
I spent $900 on a fish finder for the boat.
Now I know exactly where the fish are ignoring me.
The vet said my dog has to stop eating table scraps.
So now he eats floor scraps. I’ve become remarkably clumsy.
I asked for no gag gifts for my 50th birthday.
So they got me a walker with racing stripes.
In a hospital, we hand you a sleeping pill at 10 p.m.
Then we wake you at 4 a.m. to see if it worked.
I bought one of those smart fridges that tracks everything I eat.
Now it locks itself at 9 p.m.
1 / 8
Halloween and Thanksgiving jokes
In season now. Holiday lists move up here about six weeks before the big day.
Halloween · Sat, Oct 31
55 Halloween Jokes
Short, clean Halloween jokes: costumes, candy, haunted houses and the office party.
Thanksgiving · Thu, Nov 26
40 Thanksgiving Jokes
Clean Thanksgiving jokes: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
For workAll joke lists
32 topics, best jokes first. Every joke is a quick setup and a punchline.
Holidays and birthdays
Everyday jokes
Life and family
Work and jobs
Food, pets and hobbies
Joke videos
A new short joke video every day. See all videos
My brother started a band called Duvet.Puns · 7s
My wife says I have absolutely no sense of direction.Dad Jokes · 9s
I asked my phone, “Why am I still single?”One-Liners · 8s
My dog greets me at the door like I’ve been away at sea for three years.Dog · 9s
Every Halloween I swear I’ll only eat a few pieces of the candy.Halloween · 11s
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Meme of the day
Be honest: is this you?
A new JokeBay meme every day, straight from our joke lists. Today’s is from Marriage Jokes.
More marriage jokesJust added
A few new jokes go up every day.
Halloween JokesNew today
I bought a motion-activated skeleton that shrieks whenever anyone walks past the front door.
So far it’s scared one delivery guy, and me, eleven times.
Work JokesNew today
My boss asked me to stop by HR for “a quick chat.”
And to bring my coat, my coffee mug and the little cactus.
Funny Christmas PunsNew today
Why does Santa keep the naughty list locked in a safe?
It’s Claus-ified.
Got a joke worth telling?
Send it in. If it gets a real laugh here, it goes on the list.