My credit card company called to flag suspicious activity on my account.
Apparently I paid the full balance.
1,929 jokes · 32 topics · new daily
Funny jokes for adults.
Clean, short jokes that are actually funny: dad jokes, one-liners, work jokes and holiday jokes, sorted into lists so you find the right one fast.
Today’s jokes
The receptionist smiled and said, “The doctor will see you shortly.”
I’m now eligible for Medicare.
My husband and I went to the Halloween party as salt and pepper.
No costumes. We just stopped coloring our hair.
My brother started a band called Duvet.
It’s a cover band.
I asked the store clerk for a birthday card that didn’t make fun of getting old.
She handed me a blank one.
My mother-in-law and I finally agree on something.
We both think my wife could’ve done better.
My dog greets me at the door like I’ve been away at sea for three years.
I took out the trash.
Two weeks ago, my doctor told me to walk five miles a day.
I’m in Ohio now. Can somebody come get me?
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Halloween and Thanksgiving jokes
In season now. Holiday lists move up here about six weeks before the big day.
Halloween · Sat, Oct 31
44 Halloween Jokes
Short, clean Halloween jokes for adults: costumes, candy, haunted houses and the office party.
Thanksgiving · Thu, Nov 26
34 Thanksgiving Jokes
Clean Thanksgiving jokes for adults: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
Thanksgiving Jokes for WorkAll joke lists
32 topics, best jokes first. Every joke is a quick setup and a punchline.
Holidays and birthdays
Everyday jokes
Life and family
Work and jobs
Food, pets and hobbies
Joke videos
A new short joke video every day. See all videos
My husband and I went to the Halloween party as salt and pepper.Halloween · 11s
Every Halloween I swear I’ll only eat a few pieces of the candy.Halloween · 11s
My brother started a band called Duvet.Puns · 7s
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One turns to the other.Dad Jokes · 9s
My wife says I have absolutely no sense of direction.Dad Jokes · 9s
Popular joke lists
Hand-picked jokes for work, church, husbands, wives and more.
31 Funny Knock-Knock Jokes for KidsSilly, clean knock-knock jokes for parents to tell the kids: animals, food and holidays.
51 Clean Jokes for WorkOffice-safe jokes for meetings, the team chat and the break room.
51 Funny Wife JokesAffectionate wife jokes for husbands who know who’s really in charge.
33 Funny Food PunsClean food puns about cooking, cheese, fruit, veggies and coffee.
34 Clean Jokes for ChurchWholesome, clean jokes to read at church, Bible study or the potluck.
51 Funny Husband JokesHusband jokes for wives who have heard “I know where it is” one too many times.
21 Funny Christmas PunsClean Christmas puns for cards and captions: Santa, reindeer, snowmen and elves.
31 Funny Knock-Knock Jokes for AdultsClean knock-knock jokes for adults about work, bills, getting older and home repairs.
23 Funny Halloween PunsClean Halloween puns for captions and parties: ghosts, skeletons, vampires and witches.
40 Funny Boss JokesJokes about bosses, managers and the meetings they schedule.
35 Funny Animal PunsClean animal puns about pets, farm animals, wild animals and bugs.
45 Dad Jokes for WorkOffice-safe dad jokes for meetings, Slack and the break room.
51 Funny Pet JokesThe best dog and cat jokes in one place, for pet lovers.
23 Funny Work PunsOffice-safe work puns and job puns about careers, trades and quitting.
51 Funny Jokes for SeniorsClean, relatable jokes for seniors about aging, retirement, doctors and technology.
36 Christmas Jokes for WorkOffice-safe Christmas jokes for the party, the card and the team chat.
50 Jokes for Work MeetingsQuick icebreakers to open a meeting, a Zoom call or the team chat.
41 Retirement Jokes for CoworkersJokes for a coworker’s retirement card, party or farewell email.
41 Retirement Speech JokesJokes and lines that work read out loud in a retirement speech or toast.
33 Birthday Jokes for CoworkersFunny birthday jokes for a coworker’s card or the office cake.
41 Over-the-Hill Birthday JokesJokes for milestone birthdays: 40, 50, 60 and beyond.
30 Thanksgiving Jokes for WorkOffice-safe Thanksgiving jokes for the potluck, the team chat and the meeting.
48 Sarcastic Jokes for WorkDry, sarcastic jokes that are still safe to share at work.
Meme of the day
We’ve all been there.
A new JokeBay meme every day, straight from our joke lists. Today’s is from One-Liners.
More one-linersJust added
A few new jokes go up every day.
Halloween JokesNew today
A trick-or-treater rang our doorbell dressed as a doctor, stethoscope and all.
I described my shoulder pain for two minutes before I realized he was eight.
Clean JokesNew today
The menu said the lobster was “market price.” I asked the waiter what that meant.
He said, “If you have to ask, you’re having the chicken.”
Halloween JokesAdded Oct 15
At the haunted house, an actor in a hockey mask chased me with a roaring chainsaw.
I’m fifty-eight. I don’t run anymore. I asked if he does hedges.
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