35 Thanksgiving Jokes for Adults
Funny Thanksgiving jokes for the grown-ups’ table: turkey, relatives, football and the post-dinner nap.
Thanksgiving is the one day a year we gather the whole family, eat until we can’t move and pretend Uncle Rick’s opinions are fine. These jokes are clean enough to read out loud at the table and good enough to make the cook laugh.
More specific lists
Thanksgiving family jokes (11)
The kids’ table, the in-laws and the cousin with an investing strategy.
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I’m forty-two and still sitting at the kids’ table.
At this point it’s not a seating chart. It’s a verdict.
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My brother-in-law has signed up to bring the ice to Thanksgiving for fourteen years straight.
His signature dish is frozen water.
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My mother-in-law tasted my Thanksgiving gravy and said, “Interesting.”
She said that about my wedding toast too.
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My brother and I always fight over the wishbone. This year I finally won.
I wished for a different brother.
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I asked Mom how many people were coming for Thanksgiving. She said, “Just family.”
So, thirty-four people and a guy named Gary.
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I’m thankful for my family.
Especially since they all live at least four hours away.
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My cousin cornered me at Thanksgiving to explain his new investing strategy.
As far as I can tell, the strategy is “hope.”
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The Pilgrims’ first Thanksgiving lasted three whole days.
My in-laws treat that as a minimum.
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My cousin brought his new girlfriend to Thanksgiving.
By dessert, Grandma had asked about grandkids. It was their second date.
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Every Thanksgiving, my aunt asks why I’m still single.
This year I asked why she’s still making that Jell-O salad.
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Thanksgiving is a day to gather with the people we love.
And also our relatives.
Turkey and cooking jokes (9)
For whoever bought a turkey bigger than the oven and is now hosting anyway.
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Grandpa always calls the turkey “the guest of honor.”
Odd thing to say while sharpening a carving knife.
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My uncle wants to deep-fry the turkey again this year.
The fire department sends us a Christmas card now.
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The secret to my famous Thanksgiving stuffing?
Buying it. And lying.
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I forgot to thaw the turkey this year.
We had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday.
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Dad carves the turkey every year with the confidence of a surgeon.
A surgeon who watched one video that morning.
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I volunteered to host Thanksgiving this year.
My therapist moved me to twice a week.
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I bought a 26-pound turkey for Thanksgiving.
Turns out I own a 20-pound oven.
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The guy at the store asked how many people a 24-pound turkey was for.
Six. But one is my brother-in-law, and he counts as eleven.
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My wife has us cleaning for Thanksgiving like the family’s coming to buy the house.
I just vacuumed the inside of the dryer.
Overeating, pie and leftovers jokes (9)
Eight slivers of pie, one elastic waistband and a fridge full of Tupperware.
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My mother-in-law sends every Thanksgiving guest home with leftovers.
It’s not generosity. It’s evidence disposal.
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My mom will forgive you for skipping Thanksgiving.
She will never forgive you for keeping her Tupperware.
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I told everyone I’d just have a sliver of each pie.
Turns out eight slivers is a whole pie with extra steps.
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I’m not overeating at Thanksgiving.
I’m carb-loading for the nap.
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Uncle Rick talked about his strict new diet all through Thanksgiving dinner.
Then went back for a third plate “for the protein.”
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My husband says the tryptophan in turkey makes him sleepy.
Funny how it kicks in the second the dishes start.
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Every year my sister brings a “healthy” side dish to Thanksgiving.
Every year it goes home exactly as full as it arrived.
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Our dog absolutely loves Thanksgiving.
He’s the only one who asks for seconds of Aunt Carol’s casserole.
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I asked Grandma for a small slice of pie.
She took that personally and cut me a quarter.
Thanksgiving dinner table jokes (6)
Grace that runs long, football nobody follows and the strict no-politics rule.
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We went around the table saying what we’re thankful for.
Grandpa said, “Elastic waistbands,” and nobody could top it.
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My uncle yells coaching advice at the TV every Thanksgiving.
Thirty years. No team has taken it. Neither has his family.
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This year we made everyone put their phones in a basket during Thanksgiving dinner.
Grandma’s buzzed the most.
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Our family has one rule at Thanksgiving dinner: absolutely no politics.
So we spent four hours fighting about stuffing versus dressing.
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My family watches football all Thanksgiving. Nobody can name a single player.
We just need something to yell at that isn’t each other.
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Uncle Ray said grace before Thanksgiving dinner for eleven straight minutes.
By “amen,” the gravy had grown a skin.