39 Funny Fishing Jokes
Fishing jokes for adults: fish stories, the one that got away and a tackle box worth more than the boat.
Fishing is the only hobby where coming home empty-handed still counts as a great day, and the fish gets bigger every time you tell the story. These fishing jokes are for anglers, their buddies and the spouses who hear about it.
Fish story and fishing buddy jokes (20)
The one that got away keeps growing, and the secret spot is behind Walmart.
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Skunked again, Dale asked the guy at the fish counter to toss him four trout so he could honestly say he caught them.
“Better make it salmon. Your wife came by and said you’d want salmon.”
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Ernie drills his first hole in the ice, and a voice booms from above: “There are no fish under there.”
“This is the manager of the hockey rink.”
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Uncle Ray held his hands about a foot apart and said, “I swear on my mother, this is no lie.”
“That’s the distance between its eyes.”
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My buddy finally agreed to show me his secret fishing spot. I had to wear a blindfold for the whole drive.
It’s the drainage pond behind Walmart.
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I called in sick Friday and did my best weak, raspy voice for my boss.
Then a bass jumped, and I yelled, “Get the net!”
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Our new spot was so good, I told my buddy to mark it. So he painted a big X on the side of the boat.
I said, “Genius. What if we don’t get the same boat next time?”
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My brother-in-law made the biggest catch of our whole trip.
My hat. Right off my head. On his very first cast.
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I tell everyone I practice strict catch-and-release.
I’ve perfected the release. Still working on the catch.
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I’ve fished this lake for twenty years, and the bait shop guy always tells me the same thing.
“You should’ve been here yesterday.” Twenty years. I have never once been here yesterday.
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The bass Uncle Lou lost in 1987 was maybe three pounds.
Thirty-nine Thanksgivings later, it’s bigger than his boat.
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I brought my best bass to the taxidermist and asked him to mount it.
He asked, “Actual size, or the size you’ve been telling people?”
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I finished my very first bass tournament in the top one hundred.
Out of 101 boats. And one of them sank.
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When my buddy has a great day on the lake, he posts pictures of fish.
When I post a gorgeous sunrise, everybody knows I got skunked.
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The game warden checked my license, then took a long look in my empty cooler.
He handed it back and said, “Relax. You’re not who we worry about.”
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For thirty years, I’ve told everyone about the giant muskie that snapped my line in 1994.
Last night my buddy finally confessed. He cut it. He was jealous.
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I asked my buddy Dwayne if the ice was thick enough to drive the truck out.
“Same as last year,” he said. Last year’s truck is still down there.
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After three full days on the lake, I invited the whole block over for a fish fry.
The invitation said, “Bring a side dish. And, if possible, a fish.”
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My buddy outfished me fourteen to nothing using the exact same lure he’d given me.
Mine didn’t have a hook. He’s been laughing since Memorial Day.
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Last season I landed four bass, two catfish and a perch.
Also eleven trees, a lawn chair and my own left ear.
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In forty years of fishing, I’ve landed hundreds of trophy fish.
A few of them even happened.
Fishing and marriage jokes (10)
For the angler explaining to his wife why he needs fourteen rods.
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My wife went through the receipts from our guys’ fishing weekend. Bait: $8. Beer: $240.
She only had questions about the bait.
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My wife asked why I need fourteen fishing rods. I explained that each one has a different purpose.
She asked which one was for catching fish.
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My wife guided me down the boat ramp using hand signals.
Twenty-six years of marriage, and I learned three new ones.
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My wife says I love fishing more than I love her.
That hurt. We’ve been married twenty-two seasons.
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When we got married, my wife promised she’d cook anything I caught.
Twenty years later, we order a lot of pizza.
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My wife asked if I ever think about the one that got away.
She meant an old girlfriend. I’d already spent forty minutes describing a largemouth.
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My wife asked what the new boat cost. I promised to tell her the whole truth.
And I did. About the trailer.
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I named my boat “Therapy” so I can honestly tell my wife I’m going to therapy.
Now she tells people I’ve been in therapy nine years and it isn’t working.
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On our first date, my wife said she loved fishing, football and getting up early.
Thirty years later, the only true word in that sentence was “and.”
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I finally took my wife fishing. She asked a hundred questions and held the rod upside down.
Final score: Wife 11, Me 0. She’s banned for life.
Fishing gear, boat and bait shop jokes (9)
A $900 fish finder, a $4,800-a-pound dinner and a very fancy hat.
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I spent $900 on a fish finder for the boat.
Now I know exactly where the fish are ignoring me.
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I added up the boat, gas, gear and license, then divided by every fish I caught this year.
Tonight’s dinner cost $4,800 a pound.
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I bought a $19 bottle of scent that fish “just can’t resist.”
The fish resisted. The neighbor’s dog did not.
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My tackle box is now worth more than my truck.
So I lock the tackle box and leave the truck open.
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I switched from regular fishing to fly fishing.
Same zero fish. Ten times the cost. Much better hat.
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My new cooler holds forty-eight cans of beer and six large fish.
We’ve never actually tested the fish part.
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My favorite bait shop sells nightcrawlers and egg salad sandwiches out of the same cooler.
Good bait, decent sandwiches. Some days I’m not sure which I bought.
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We don’t have a TV at the lake cabin.
We just sit by the boat ramp on Saturday mornings.
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The boat salesman promised me that in a few years, this boat would pay for itself.
So far it’s paid for his kid’s braces and a hot tub.