30 Funny Food Jokes for Adults
Food jokes for adults: diets, cooking disasters, leftovers and the buffet.
Food is love, fuel and the reason the diet starts on Monday. Every Monday. These food jokes cover cooking, eating out and the midnight snack you swore you wouldn’t have.
Restaurant and takeout jokes (8)
Spicy wings, long specials lists and a soda that comes with a lifeguard.
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The waiter promised the wings were “only a little spicy.”
Three bites in, I could hear colors.
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I ordered a small soda at the movie theater.
It came with a lifeguard.
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I ordered Chinese takeout for one.
They packed four sets of chopsticks. Even the restaurant doesn’t believe me.
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The waiter told me my chicken was named Henrietta and lived a happy life on a farm.
I came here for dinner, not a eulogy.
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I made the mistake of asking the waiter about tonight’s specials.
Twelve minutes later, I ordered the chicken fingers.
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I ordered pizza from the same place every Friday for six years. Then I missed one week.
The manager called to make sure I was okay.
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My $12 burrito came to $31 after the delivery fee, the service fee and the tip.
The burrito was the cheapest part of the burrito.
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The delivery app has a $15 minimum, and my healthy salad was only $11.
So I added a cheesecake. The salad’s still healthy.
Home cooking and kitchen jokes (12)
Recipes with life stories attached, and avocados ripe for exactly eleven minutes.
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I bought a rotisserie chicken for dinner tonight.
It didn’t survive the parking lot.
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At our house, we say grace before every meal.
When I cook, we say it again afterward.
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I looked up a lasagna recipe online.
Twelve paragraphs in, I know all about her divorce. Still no lasagna.
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Every office potluck has one dish nobody touches.
It’s mine. I bring it every year.
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My husband cooked dinner. It was awful, but I told him it was delicious.
Rookie mistake. Now he cooks every Thursday.
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I bought avocados on Monday. Hard as golf balls.
They were perfect for eleven minutes on Thursday. I was at work.
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I’ve been doing all the cooking at our house this month.
Yesterday I caught the dog begging at the neighbors’ back door.
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Remember when $100 of groceries filled your whole trunk?
Now it fits in the cup holder.
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I bought a 40-piece set of matching food storage containers.
Two weeks later, I own 40 containers and three lids.
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Leftovers in our fridge go through three stages. Stage one: delicious. Stage two: questionable.
Stage three: “Have Dad smell it.”
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I found a great recipe that only needs five ingredients.
I had three of them. One was water.
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I microwaved leftover salmon in the office break room.
Three people moved desks. One put in for a transfer.
Diet and healthy eating jokes (10)
Juice cleanses, kale smoothies and fasting from dinner all the way to second dinner.
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I meal-prepped five identical chicken-and-rice lunches on Sunday.
By Wednesday, I was cheating on them with a burrito.
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I did a three-day juice cleanse. Day one, I lost two pounds.
Day two, I lost my temper. Day three, I lost to a pizza.
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I tried intermittent fasting.
I made it all the way from dinner to second dinner.
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My new diet rule: I only eat when I’m hungry.
Or bored. Or sad. Or awake.
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I finally tried a kale smoothie.
Now I know what the bag on a lawn mower tastes like.
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My smartwatch logged a high-intensity workout at 2 a.m.
It was me sprinting back to bed with a sleeve of Oreos.
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My new diet allows exactly one cheat day a week.
It’s only March, and I’ve already used up October.
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I’m on a strict new diet: absolutely no food after 8 p.m.
So dinner starts at 7:59 and runs until midnight.
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My doctor asked if I’ve been cutting back on portion sizes.
I have. Now I only go up to the buffet once. With a tray.
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My wife says a bowl of fruit counts as dessert.
That’s when I knew the honeymoon was over.