33 Funny Mother’s Day Jokes
Clean Mother’s Day jokes to put in a card: breakfast in bed, brunch and what Mom really wants.
Funny Mother’s Day jokes to write in a card, read at church or send to Mom. They’re clean, affectionate and about moms of every age, from breakfast in bed to the gift she said she didn’t need.
Funny Mother’s Day jokes about your mom (14)
She doesn’t need a thing, she’s sending links, and she remembers 2003.
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My mom answered the phone on Mother’s Day with, “Oh, so you do remember my number.”
I was calling from her kitchen.
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My mom says all she wants for Mother’s Day is for her kids to get along.
So we pooled our money and got her something realistic.
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On Mother’s Day, I finally told my mom she was right about everything.
She asked me to put it in writing. Then she had it notarized.
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My mom told me she doesn’t need a thing for Mother’s Day.
Then she texted me a link. Then the same link in two other colors.
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The hostess said the Mother’s Day brunch wait would be ninety minutes.
Mom said, “That’s fine. I’ve waited longer for you to call.”
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Mom always said, “Someday you’ll have kids of your own, and then you’ll understand.”
Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I understand. I’m so sorry.
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My mom calls each of us on Mother’s Day to say thanks for the gifts.
And to casually mention what the others sent.
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My mom has one rule for Mother’s Day gifts.
If it plugs in, it isn’t for her. It’s for the house.
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My mom says the best Mother’s Day gift is just spending time together.
So I came over to spend the day with her. She had a ladder waiting.
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I called my mom first thing on Mother’s Day.
She thanked me for the card. Then for the one I forgot in 2003.
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I brought my mom flowers for Mother’s Day.
She loved them. Then she named three places I could’ve gotten them cheaper.
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Mother’s Day is always on a Sunday.
That way, Mom has all Saturday to clean the house before everyone comes over.
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I bought my mom a fancy bathrobe for Mother’s Day.
She hung it in the closet “for company.” What company sees her in a bathrobe?
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My mother-in-law loves Mother’s Day.
It’s the one day her son calls her without me reminding him.
Mother’s Day jokes about husbands (7)
He had everything handled, right up until he asked where the children were.
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My husband said, “Take the whole day off for Mother’s Day. I’ve got everything handled.”
At noon he texted, “Quick question: where do we keep the children?”
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My husband planned Mother’s Day all by himself this year.
I found the plan. It was a sticky note that said, “Mother’s Day?”
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My family gave me a spa gift certificate for Mother’s Day.
Now I just need to book it and find a sitter for their father.
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My husband gave me a coupon for “one free load of dishes” for Mother’s Day.
Six years later, I tried to redeem it. He says it expired.
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My husband loaded the dishwasher for Mother’s Day.
Then he stood beside it for ten minutes, like a science fair project.
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My husband went grocery shopping for me as a Mother’s Day treat.
He came home with chips, a grill brush and a forty-dollar steak. For himself.
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My husband gave me a cookbook for Mother’s Day.
Bold move for a man who eats three meals a day at my table.
Mom’s “day off” jokes (6)
Sleeping in until 6:40, dinner at 4:10 and a dishwasher loaded all wrong.
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For Mother’s Day, my family offered to make dinner.
At 4:00 they asked what to make. At 4:05, how. At 4:10, where.
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Every Mother’s Day, we take Mom out to a restaurant so she doesn’t have to cook.
Then we all get home at six and ask what’s for dinner.
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I asked my family for one gift this Mother’s Day: let me sleep in.
At 6:40 a.m., they woke me up to ask if I was enjoying it.
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After thirty years of clearing the table, I couldn’t help myself at Mother’s Day brunch.
I stacked everyone’s plates and handed them to the busboy. He tipped me.
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On Mother’s Day, my family told me not to lift a finger.
So I watched them load the dishwasher wrong. Hardest thing I’ve ever done.
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My best Mother’s Day card was handmade and said, “I.O.U. one clean room.”
That was eleven years ago. I’ve started charging interest.
Mother’s Day jokes about grown kids (6)
Flowers by delivery, calls from the car and laundry in the other hand.
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I told my kids all I want for Mother’s Day is something homemade.
They’re grown. They made a reservation.
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My kids are grown, so now they send flowers for Mother’s Day.
All three cards say, “Love, your favorite.”
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My grown kids took me out for Mother’s Day and said, “Order anything you want.”
So I ordered the lobster. Three adults gasped, very quietly.
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On Mother’s Day, all three of my grown kids call.
All at 9 p.m., all from the car, all on speaker.
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Now that my kids are grown, they take me out for Mother’s Day brunch.
Then the check comes, and all three look at their father. Like old times.
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My kids moved out years ago, but they still come home for Mother’s Day.
Card in one hand, laundry in the other.