JokeBay Jokes worth telling. Mostly.

32 Funny St. Patrick’s Day Jokes for Adults

Clean St. Patrick’s Day jokes for adults and work: wearing green, leprechauns, luck and corned beef.

Funny St. Patrick’s Day jokes for adults that stay clean enough for work. Wearing green to dodge the pinch, leprechauns, pots of gold, four-leaf clovers and the corned beef smell that lingers until Easter.

Irish accent and luck of the Irish jokes (9)

Fake brogues, Irish blessings and four-leaf clovers that never quite deliver.

  1. St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland.

    My wife wants to know if he does basements.

  2. My husband proudly showed me the four-leaf clover he found.

    It’s a three-leaf clover and his thumb.

  3. Every March 17th, my brother-in-law busts out his Irish accent.

    By lunch it’s Scottish. By dinner, it’s a pirate.

  4. My uncle proudly recited the old Irish blessing: “May the road rise up to meet you.”

    Then he tripped on the curb, and it did.

  5. Our neighbor Stan greets everyone with “Top o’ the morning!” every St. Patrick’s Day.

    He’s from Ohio. The accent is from a cereal commercial.

  6. Irish step dancers keep their arms perfectly still while their feet go wild.

    My husband does the opposite every time he tells a fishing story.

  7. Legend says kissing the Blarney Stone gives you the gift of gab.

    Judging by my sister-in-law, some people kiss it daily.

  8. Everyone talks about the luck of the Irish.

    My Irish grandmother played bingo for fifty years and won one ham.

  9. I carried a four-leaf clover all year for good luck. My car died, the roof leaked and the dog ate my glasses.

    I’d hate to see a year without it.

Wearing green and pinching jokes (8)

Green suits, green hair and an aunt who pinches you for last year.

  1. I bought a “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” T-shirt for St. Patrick’s Day.

    My wife bought one that says, “He’s Not.”

  2. I dyed my hair green for St. Patrick’s Day.

    I was Irish for one day and a lime for six weeks.

  3. I forgot to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day and got pinched all day long.

    By Friday, the bruises turned green. I’m counting that.

  4. I went all out for St. Patrick’s Day: green suit, green tie, green hat.

    A guy in the produce aisle asked if I was on sale.

  5. I argued that my green eyes should count as wearing green.

    The office took a vote. Seven pinches, no appeal.

  6. My DNA test says I’m 3% Irish.

    So on St. Patrick’s Day, I wear one green sock.

  7. Our office has a strict no-pinching policy, even on St. Patrick’s Day.

    So Barb in payroll just glares at you and writes your name down.

  8. Every year I wear green so I won’t get pinched.

    Every year Aunt Maureen pinches me anyway. She says it’s for last year.

Leprechaun and pot of gold jokes (8)

Rainbows, wishes and a pot of gold the IRS somehow already knows about.

  1. I caught a leprechaun and demanded to know where his pot of gold was.

    “Divorce. She got the gold. I got the rainbow.”

  2. Last week, a rainbow ended right over the Kowalskis’ garage.

    This week they bought a boat and stopped waving.

  3. A leprechaun offered me three wishes if I’d let him go.

    I wished for more wishes. Now we’re in arbitration.

  4. If I ever found a leprechaun’s pot of gold,

    the IRS would show up before the rainbow faded.

  5. I followed a rainbow all the way to the end.

    No pot of gold. Just a leprechaun selling timeshares.

  6. Our leprechaun trap caught nothing again this year.

    Well, the dog twice. And my husband, going for the chocolate coins.

  7. In Irish folklore, leprechauns are shoemakers.

    Which explains the gold. Have you seen what it costs to resole a boot?

  8. I went looking for a leprechaun’s pot of gold with a metal detector.

    Found 38 bottle caps and my neighbor’s sprinkler line. Then he found me.

Green river and corned beef jokes (7)

Dyed rivers, shrinking corned beef and a poodle that hasn’t forgiven anyone.

  1. Chicago dyes its river green every St. Patrick’s Day, so our town wanted to try it too.

    Turns out ours was already green.

  2. Every St. Patrick’s Day, the city dyes the river bright green.

    The fish have no idea. They just assume they’re all coming down with something.

  3. Our diner turns everything green for St. Patrick’s Day: the eggs, the pancakes, the hash browns.

    The health inspector figured it was a normal Tuesday.

  4. I bought a six-pound corned beef for St. Patrick’s Day.

    Four hours later, it came out the size of a deck of cards.

  5. I make corned beef and cabbage once a year, on St. Patrick’s Day.

    The house stops smelling like it around Easter.

  6. My neighbor dyed his white poodle green for St. Patrick’s Day.

    Three days later, the dog still won’t make eye contact with him.

  7. Every March, I wait all year for the green mint milkshakes to come back.

    My doctor waits all year for them to leave.

Try another list

Halloween43 jokes Thanksgiving35 jokes Christmas39 jokes Valentine’s Day32 jokes Easter33 jokes Mother’s Day33 jokes Father’s Day35 jokes Fourth of July36 jokes Birthday46 jokes Dad Jokes48 jokes One-Liners44 jokes Clean Jokes47 jokes Sarcastic40 jokes Coffee43 jokes Getting Older38 jokes Marriage47 jokes Mom35 jokes Mother-in-Law43 jokes Retirement47 jokes Work38 jokes Doctor36 jokes Nurse38 jokes Teacher40 jokes Lawyer47 jokes Dog39 jokes Cat42 jokes Golf34 jokes Fishing39 jokes Food30 jokes