36 Funny Boss Jokes
Jokes about bosses, managers and the meetings they schedule.
Every boss means well. Most of them. These boss jokes are for anyone who has ever been asked to “circle back,” and they’re gentle enough to share with your actual boss. Probably.
Classic boss comebacks (9)
Quick-witted replies to the boss that never get old.
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I told my boss I need a raise. Three companies are after me.
Electric, gas and phone.
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My boss said, “You’ve been late three times this week. Do you know what that means?”
“That it’s Wednesday?”
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My boss looked at me and said, “Have a good day.”
So I went home.
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My boss told me to open every presentation with a joke.
So I started with my salary.
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My boss reminded me, “There’s no ‘I’ in team.”
I pointed out there’s a “me” if you rearrange it.
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My boss caught me napping at my desk.
I slowly lifted my head and said, “…in Jesus’ name, amen.”
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I told my boss, “I’m giving my two weeks’ notice.”
He said, “Wait… you work here?”
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Our company canceled the office costume contest to boost productivity.
So now we just come to work dressed as people who care.
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Everyone in my office has a Monday motivation quote taped to their desk.
Mine is a sticky note that just says “Mortgage.”
Bosses, managers and the C-suite (19)
Clouds, Zoom filters and performance reviews from people who answer to someone.
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My boss is a lot like a cloud.
When he disappears, it’s a beautiful day.
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On my first day, my boss said, “We’re like a family here.”
Great. So when do I start getting an allowance?
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My boss finally figured out Zoom filters.
We’ve now had three budget meetings with a talking potato.
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My performance review says I “meet expectations.”
Which is impressive, considering how low they were.
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Our CEO says employees are the company’s greatest asset.
Which explains why they keep trying to liquidate us.
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For the office costume contest, I dressed up as my boss.
I said “Let’s circle back” all day and left at two.
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I asked one of Santa’s elves what his boss is like.
“Works one night a year and takes all the credit.”
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I love the self-checkout lane.
Unpaid job, zero training, and a boss who screams “unexpected item.”
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I called in sick Friday and did my best weak, raspy voice for my boss.
Then a bass jumped, and I yelled, “Get the net!”
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My boss loves to remind everyone that his door is always open.
It is. He’s just never behind it.
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Our boss made cameras mandatory on every Zoom call.
Turns out Phil has been attending from a fishing boat since 2021.
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I pretended my Zoom screen was frozen so I wouldn’t have to answer my boss’s question.
Would have worked if I hadn’t sneezed.
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My boss poked his head in and asked, “Got a minute?”
Ninety minutes later, I was leading a project nobody else wanted.
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When our big project succeeded, my boss told the CEO, “We nailed it.”
When it failed, he said, “So walk me through what you did.”
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I set up an out-of-office reply before my vacation.
It handled things so well, my boss wants to promote it.
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HR sent out an anonymous survey asking if employees feel heard.
My manager called me in to discuss my answers.
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My cat walked across my keyboard and emailed my boss “jjjjjjj;;;;;kkkk.”
He replied, “Great insights. Let’s discuss Monday.”
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For ten years, I let my boss beat me at golf to protect my career.
Turns out he’d been trying to let me win. We’re both just that bad.
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Management couldn’t afford raises this year, so they threw us a pizza party instead.
My landlord does not accept pepperoni.
Leaving the boss behind (8)
Retirement-day jokes for anyone finally clocking out for good.
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My first Monday of retirement, I woke up at ten and panicked.
I called my old boss to say I’d be late. He said, “Take forever.”
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At my retirement party, my boss gave a speech saying I was irreplaceable.
Then he introduced the intern who’s been doing my job since March.
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For thirty years, my boss yelled at me for watching the clock.
My retirement gift? A clock.
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I gave a forty-five-minute speech at my own retirement party.
My boss said it was the most work I’d done all year.
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After forty years of taking orders, I finally retired and became my own boss.
Worst employee I’ve ever had. Never shows up before ten.
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At my exit interview, HR asked what I’d miss most about the company.
I said, “The paycheck.” She wrote down, “The people.”
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When I retired, I told my team to call me anytime they needed my expertise.
They called once. They couldn’t find the good stapler.
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I retired to Florida to get away from office politics.
Then I went to my first condo board meeting.