34 Christmas Jokes for Work
Office-safe Christmas jokes for the party, the card and the team chat.
Ugly sweaters, Secret Santa and a break room full of cookies. These Christmas jokes are safe for the office party and funny enough to read out loud.
Gifts, cards and Santa (15)
Regifted candles, late holiday cards and Santa’s delivery record.
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Every Christmas Eve, Santa breaks into millions of homes.
And everyone leaves him snacks. Try that in March.
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My aunt gave me a beautiful scented candle for Christmas.
I know it’s beautiful. I gave it to her last year.
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Santa delivers to every house on Earth in a single night.
My package from Ohio has been “out for delivery” since Tuesday.
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We were running a little behind on our holiday cards this year.
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!
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The Hendersons’ holiday letter listed every family achievement of the year.
Even the dog got a paragraph. He made partner.
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I send Christmas cards to people I haven’t spoken to since last Christmas.
It’s the only thing keeping those friendships legally alive.
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My mom gave me a sweater for Christmas, along with a gift receipt.
Even she doesn’t believe in that sweater.
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Santa sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake.
So does my phone. I just get ads instead of presents.
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All I asked the mall Santa for this year was a parking spot.
He laughed. Not “ho ho ho.” Just laughed.
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Why does Santa still come down the chimney?
Because every front door in America has a camera now.
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My credit card company sent me a Christmas card this year.
It was handwritten. They know what I did.
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Nine years ago, we got a Christmas card from a family we’ve never met. So we sent one back.
Now it’s a tradition. Neither family will blink first.
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This year I bought my wife exactly what she asked for.
Now she’s convinced someone helped me. She wants a name.
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My husband does all his Christmas shopping on December 24th at a gas station.
Last year I got wiper fluid and a beautiful jerky assortment.
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Our Elf on the Shelf reports back to Santa every single night.
He’s seen our December. He’s asking for witness protection.
Office party and Secret Santa (5)
Ugly sweaters, gift exchanges and holiday cards from the legal team.
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I won the ugly sweater contest at the office Christmas party.
Which was awkward, because I didn’t enter.
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I drew Gary from accounting for Secret Santa.
We’ve sat side by side for nine years. I know nothing about Gary.
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I asked one of Santa’s elves what his boss is like.
“Works one night a year and takes all the credit.”
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My lawyer sent us a holiday card that said, “Happy Holidays!”
Followed by two paragraphs explaining it is not a guarantee of happiness.
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My ugly Christmas sweater lights up, plays “Jingle Bells” and has its own battery pack.
Airport security had a lot of questions.
Holiday chaos at home (14)
Fruitcake, lights, wrapping and the family photo that took 87 tries.
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My family has passed the same fruitcake down for three generations.
Nobody’s ever eaten it. It’s just in the will.
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I spent two hours wrapping Christmas presents last night.
Now I just need to figure out which one has the scissors.
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It took 87 tries to get a family photo for our Christmas card.
In the one we picked, only the dog is smiling.
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My neighbor’s inflatable Santa slowly collapses on the lawn every morning.
Honestly, that’s me on December 26th.
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Stores start playing Christmas music on November 1st.
By December, I want “Silent Night” taken literally.
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I told my wife I’d hang the Christmas lights myself this year.
The neighbors pulled up lawn chairs.
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My neighbor put 40,000 Christmas lights on his house this year.
Mine looks like the house his is bullying.
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My neighbor’s Christmas lights blink in perfect sync with music.
Mine blink in sync with my husband cursing on the ladder.
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Our Christmas tree is still up in February.
So we added little hearts. Now it looks intentional.
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Our Christmas lights have been up on the house since 2019.
At this point, they’re load-bearing.
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My aunt’s famous fruitcake doesn’t have an expiration date.
It has a half-life.
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My father-in-law says he loves visiting us for Christmas.
He means our recliner. He says goodnight to it.
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This year, we booked my in-laws a lovely hotel room for Christmas.
Not as a gift. As the plan.
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Every Hallmark Christmas movie has a big-city woman falling for the handsome guy who runs a small-town tree farm.
In real life, the tree farm guy is named Earl, and he’s 71.