Funny marriage comics: Harold & June

June: What did the doctor say?

Harold: I’m in great shape for a man of ninety.

June: You’re sixty-eight.

June: Harold, could you take out the trash?

June: Harold, there’s pie in the kitchen.

Harold: Coming, dear!

June: Remember when we used to dance all night?

Harold: Sure do.

June: Now you need a nap after the hokey pokey.

June: That’s your fifth cup of coffee today.

Harold: I need it to stay awake.

June: For what? Your nap?

Harold: I caught a fish this big today!

June: Where is it, then?

Harold: It was catch and release. Mostly release.

June: Your mother called this morning.

Harold: What did she want?

June: To ask why I’m still putting up with you.

June: So, how’s retirement treating you?

Harold: I’m busier than ever.

June: Two naps a day isn’t a schedule, Harold.

Harold: I finally shot my age at golf today!

June: Seventy-four? That’s wonderful!

Harold: That was just the front nine.

June: The grandkids are staying the whole weekend!

Harold: The whole weekend?

June: Relax. I already booked your nap for Sunday.

June: Say something nice to me.

Harold: You look great for your age.

June: Try that again without the last three words.

June: I signed us both up for the gym.

Harold: Why? We’re in great shape.

June: Round is a shape, dear.

Harold: Have you seen my car keys anywhere?

June: They’re in your hand, Harold.

Harold: Well, now I need my glasses.

Harold: What’s for dinner tonight?

June: Whatever you’re making.

Harold: So… cereal?

Harold: I wasn’t asleep. I was resting my eyes.

June: For three hours?

Harold: They were very tired eyes.

June: You snored so loud last night, the windows rattled.

Harold: I don’t snore.

June: Then a bear has moved into our bedroom.

June: Do you know what day it is today?

Harold: Tuesday?

June: Our anniversary. Good thing the florist opens at nine.

June: Have you seen the TV remote?

Harold: It’s right where I left it.

June: In the freezer again?

June: The doctor says you need to walk more.

Harold: I walk to the fridge twenty times a day.

June: He meant without the sandwich.

Harold: I’ve decided to cut back on dessert.

June: That’s great, dear. Starting when?

Harold: Right after this pie.

Harold: They say wisdom comes with age.

June: Then where’s yours?

Harold: It must still be in the mail.

June: What would you like for your birthday?

Harold: Nothing. I already have everything I need.

June: Perfect. I already got it for you.

Harold: I’ve started a new exercise routine.

June: Oh? What do you do?

Harold: I get out of this chair without groaning.

June: Have you seen my reading glasses anywhere?

Harold: No, and I can’t see a thing today.

June: That’s because you’re wearing them.

Harold: Now that I’m retired, I’m going to do absolutely nothing.

Harold: Starting tomorrow.

June: So, same as today.

June: Remember when you used to hold my hand at the movies?

Harold: Of course I do.

June: Now you only reach over for my popcorn.

June: Harold, it’s freezing in here.

Harold: So put on a sweater.

June: I did. It’s yours.

June: The doctor says you should exercise your memory every day.

Harold: Like how?

June: You could start with our anniversary.

Harold: I got a new hearing aid. Best one money can buy.

June: Oh? What kind is it?

Harold: Half past four.

Harold: For our anniversary, I want to go somewhere I’ve never been.

June: I know just the place.

June: The laundry room.

June: It says here men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.

Harold: Why’s that?

June: They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.